my story
Death can be beautiful.
I have been uttering these words ever since my dad died because that awareness is one of the gifts he left me.
When I think of his death, in a hospital bed surrounded by family who loved him, I think of the blessing of his not dying alone. Of his brother standing at his head with a hand on his shoulder, one of his sisters winging her arms over his body as the hymns of their faith fell from her lips. Another sister and niece standing close by with their own silent songs and prayers, and every now and then my cousin’s voice: “Go toward the light.”
In those moments, I wanted to touch any part of my dad I could, his face, his arms, his hands, to give my keening love a place to go, to land.
That space we created together, so generous and tender, forever changed my perception of death and how we can approach and enter that threshold. It also gave me a peace and comfort I didn’t expect in my own journey of grief and mourning. It was where my healing began.
Those final sacred moments didn’t erase the heartbreak of losing my dad, my sorrow at seeing his body withered by cancer and other ravages, the fact that we’d had a complicated, often painful relationship. They didn’t take away my frustration with his hospital care, ease the regrets and longings.
But they did create a softer opening for me to begin working through and with my grief. Gifted me with the memory of his face, luminous and serene, as he took each fading breath. Gave me an anchor when the sting of all we never were to each other, and never would be, capsized my aching heart. Those moments offered a wonder and joy — yes, joy — that I still return to.
They also led me, though I could never have known it at the time, to this work of companioning others as they walk this intimate, intense and awe-inspiring journey. I believe my dad’s death was beautiful but I know so much more now than I did then about how we could have made his final weeks and days more peaceful and dignified, how we could have better served him and supported his needs, how we could have eased the burden of all that would fall to us after he died, from planning his funeral to tying up the many loose ends of his life.
As a death midwife, I offer practical, emotional and spiritual guidance to help you navigate this threshold and plan for its inevitability. In creating and holding sacred, healing space for the dying, my intention is to facilitate a gentle and tranquil death that honors their wishes while supporting their family with loving care and compassion.
As a certified From Grief to Gratitude™ coach, I offer a safe and nurturing space for you to acknowledge and share your grief. As I journey beside you through this wilderness, I will also invite you to consider your own legacy while exploring the possibilities for how you can move forward into a life of new meaning and purpose.