Kira Buckley: Our people need a salve for transformation
This post is part of a Grief Care series, featuring BIPOC healers across multiple traditions and modalities. Each week will spotlight a different healer, sharing their work, how they’re meeting these deeply challenging times, the grief they’re carrying and how they’re tending to it, and what it means to hold space for their communities at the intersections of healing and justice.
Today, I talk with Kira Buckley, a holistic health practitioner, meditation teacher and the founder of HeyyHealer, a wellness studio in North Texas.
“There is a call for us all to be diligent in the journey to mastering ourselves, and that kind of healing makes us more prepared to hold space for each other as we collectively grieve and heal.” - Kira Buckley
Thank you for taking the time to be featured in this series when you are deep in the midst of your own personal grief. Would you be willing to share a little about your own grief journey these last several months, after losing your dad and more recently your baby brother?
Interestingly enough, I have grieved differently for both of them. Overall, I’m just embracing the emotions and shifts in my mind, body and spirit that come up.
How are you taking care of yourself in your grief?
I find a daily practice that includes releasing and restoring. What that looks like changes each morning, sometimes...but crying, sweating (hiking), meditation, breathwork/stretching, drinking herbal tea and keeping my body as alkaline as possible on my low days is somewhat of the template that has worked for me in the last 30 days.
The tools change with the tide of emotions that come. Some days, the wave is big —I feel paralyzed with emotion...so in that energy, I might move slowly at the beginning of the day, I might speak less or softly. I drink more tea on those days, and I lie still and breathe more. Journaling helps me more on those days as well. But I always look for something uplifting or motivational to read, watch or listen to.
How are you making space to hold these deep losses along so many others the pandemic and the racial reckoning of the last few months have brought?
Honestly, my practice of “protecting my gates” started long before the pandemic and influx of racial disturbances began. Because I know how vulnerable I am, I encourage my clients daily and I become intentional about filtering how much information and media content I take in.
Grief amidst the chaos is heavy all by itself.
As a mother, if I don’t filter and become more intentional about holding space for myself, I am no good to anyone outside of myself! So, I make sure I have a place/person of accountability to check in, release what I don’t need for the day and restore my spirit with what my nervous system needs! (i.e. water, grounding, chocolate, sleep or a good workout!)
Is there anything about grief that has surprised you?
YES! All of it... I mean my point of reference is that I am also a doula: postpartum, grief, creative doula to healers. One thing I do daily is to remind myself that crying and “not knowing” what to do with my grief at times doesn’t make me any less of a healer.
What have you learned from grief that you are not only bringing to your work but carrying forward into your life?
I’ve learned to move slowly and be more intentional about asking myself EVERY morning, “What do I need?” I tune into my nervous system. And I am still learning to ask for help! The asking is just half the battle. Making myself more accessible for others to hold space for me is a life lesson.
From the moment you co-founded HeyyHealer as a holistic health and wellness studio, you’ve been very open and insistent about the need for healers to do their own healing work. And now here you are, doing your healing work alongside your clients. What has that been like for you?
It has been exhausting and exhilarating all at once! It is a necessary reminder for us all that as much as we think we “know” (from a cerebral/textbook perspective or experience), it is still vital that we cultivate a practice that includes community and stay open to expanding beyond what we think we “know.” Transparency is a part of healing. Authentically showing up in my own healing journey is also a part of my Divine assignment or purpose.
Obviously, this has been an incredibly difficult year and we are all grieving so much: what does it mean to you to hold space for grief as an herbalist and meditation facilitator?
In those spaces that I hold sacred — meditation and clinical herbalism — I know that the work goes beyond what others see is posted or recorded. The practice first begins with me. Amidst this heavy year for us all, I believe countless opportunities for collective grief and healing have come time and time again. To do my part for myself, my community, the world, I commit to the journey of mastering my lane. I believe there is a call for us all to be diligent in the journey to mastering ourselves, and that kind of healing makes us more prepared to hold space for each other as we collectively grieve and heal.
What happens to our nervous system when we’re in grief that makes meditation and breath work such a powerful part of grief care?
Research and data have proven that grief frequently leads to changes in the endocrine, immune, autonomic nervous and cardiovascular systems; all of these are fundamentally influenced by brain function and neurotransmitters.
Similar to “baby brain,” a mind-numbing fog that sets in when you bring a new baby home and you’re overwhelmed and under-slept, “grief-brain” is just as debilitating and real. When you’re grieving, a flood of neurochemicals and hormones dance around in your head. There can be a disruption in hormones that results in specific symptoms, such as disturbed sleep, loss of appetite, fatigue and anxiety.
Hence why meditation (intentional focus, mindfulness) and breath work (proper oxygen release and healthy nervous system regulation) are so important for self-care practices.
From the perspective of an herbalist, what are some of the ways grief manifests in the body, and how can herbs and essential oils be beneficial?
There is a holding pattern that newly manifests for some and worsens for others — specifically if there was already a holding pattern present. This pattern looks like stress and emotions sitting and hiding in weak pockets, organs and joints within the body. It weakens the immune system, stagnates the breath and overall fires off all these neurons that cause your brain and body to fluctuate from “fight or flight’ to “rest and digest.”
Herbs are a powerful agent in releasing these holding patterns, regulating the nervous system and bringing us back into our bodies so that we can FEEL what needs to come up and exit out through sweat, movement and emotions.
Lavender, Chamomile, Holy Basil, Ashwagandha, frankincense, valerian, supplements like magnesium, l-theanine and eleuthero (ginseng) are also transformative agents for the body and nervous system.
As a black healer, what are some of the traumas and obstacles to well-being you see as being particular to BIPOC, and how do those inform your approach to wellness?
I believe there are surface issues that we combat daily as BIPOC in the realm of healing and just plain ol’ living. I also believe that making these “branch issues” a part of the work gives us a better grasp on uprooting the point of origin for trauma. That’s where I focus my work.
Life is happening alongside trauma, racism, injustice and a ton of triggering and inconsistency. Amidst all of this, encouraging the BIPOC community to be intentional about taking the necessary steps to expose those traumatic roots and heal day by day — this is where my passion lies and why I take the “root work” and holistic healing as my main approach to healing.
I’m not an advocate for telling repeated victim stories and just picking the scabs to provoke bleeding. I focus on application after all the triggering comes to the surface. Our people need a balm, a salve for transformation. So that means the story line has to change. There has to be some transmutation outside of the wounded healer paradigm.
Beyond the challenges to access, personal healing and wellness so often fall to the bottom of the list of priorities for people of color: how did you come to center healing in your own life, and how would you encourage others to do the same?
You know the saying, “If you build it, they will come,” I embodied that. I also realized I had to create some of the spaces I wanted to be a part of, primarily because they didn’t exist! I would encourage others to do the same. Be proactive in the spaces that you want to be a part of. Challenge your peers, friends and community to do more than just talk and create hashtags. Create! Share! Ask questions! Research!
Your staff includes a holistic physician, a massage therapist, a plant medicine healer and a yoga teacher: what is the philosophy or model of care you’ve founded your studio on?
Our philosophy at HeyyHealer Wellness Studio is that we pride ourselves in giving the community access and accountability to living an optimal life. In pursuing the highest versions of themselves, we will always meet our clients half-way. Our protocols are aggressive and don’t leave much room for the timid, passive and negative energy. While we honor the unique journey that each person embarks on in finding us, we stay committed to deconstructing negative patterns, whole body cleansing and a restorative lifestyle.
How is HeyyHealer supporting the movement community right now?
HeyyHealer supports the community as a haven for healers, creatives, entrepreneurs and those just coming into their transformation or “waking up.” Simply put, we hold, provide and create spaces where the community can find more information, study, cultivate practice and support one another.
Why are healing and grief work such integral parts of social justice work?
We are exposed to trauma through the stories of the survivors that we work with. Many of us — as advocates, healers, organizers and activists — also bridge our own experiences of loss, violence and trauma, be it personal or cultural.
How we engage in the work of promoting social change and justice is a direct result of our commitment to individual and collective healing. It helps determine what we believe to be true and possible for healing and freedom within ourselves, our community and the world. It helps us to trust the process of it all.
I have read the quote several times in the last few months that “race work is grief work”: what does that mean for you personally and for the community you serve?
There is a quote by Joseph Campbell that says, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” I believe that the path to transformative healing for race and grief collectively is to bring it all to the surface. Stop numbing, stop hiding, stop deflecting, stop blaming, stop suppressing, stop bullying, stop complaining…More vulnerability, lead with love, grab a hand and enter the cave together.
BIO
Kira Buckley has been a holistic health practitioner for over a decade. Starting out as a massage therapist in 2008, she quickly expanded her passion into the field of nutrition consulting along with body work, meditation and breathwork. Kira attended the Pacific College of Oriental Medicine, pursuing a dual master’s and Doctorate program in acupuncture and herbal therapy. She has interned in a number of acupuncture, fertility and integrative medicine clinics across California, Mississippi and Texas. Kira created the HeyyHealer concept from a need to be more consistent in her own journey to healing while continuing to hold space for others. HeyyHealer has evolved from just a hashtag with intriguing, engaging conversations to a wellness studio, HeyyHealer serves the community, in person and online, holistic health products while providing a peaceful, intimate space to honor the body, mind and spirit. Kira is currently cultivating life as writer and small business owner, between California and Texas with her partner and two daughters, facilitating healing retreats, teaching private clients and embracing the alchemy of life as a healer...daily. Find her healing meditations here.