A Griever's Holiday Declaration
I give myself permission to show up as I am moment to moment this holiday season.
I allow myself to feel what I feel, no matter how long it’s been or what society/culture/others tell me about how or what I should be feeling.
I release myself from performative roles and behaviors that dishonor my truth.
I extend myself grace and compassion in the myriad manifestations and expressions of my grief, knowing there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
I let go of expectations, “shoulds” and thoughts of what the holidays are “supposed to be” and focus on what aligns with the support, space, comfort and nurturing I desire.
I scale back, forgo, reimagine or create new traditions based on what I have capacity for — mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally.
I limit my obligations and commitments, honoring what I truly have energy and psychic space for.
I recognize my rights to:
say “no.”
say “yes,” and then change my mind at any point, including the last minute.
leave any event at any time or come prepared with an exit plan.
remove myself from situations, conversations and people that are triggering, dismissive, or otherwise invalidating of my grief.
I make time to take care of myself and my grief with rest, hydration, nourishing foods, movement, time in nature, loving, non-demanding companionship and whatever else I find soothing and healing.
I make time to be with my person (people)…through songs, movies, meals and activities they loved; story and memory sharing; rituals that honor our relationship; creative practices; choices that embody what I most loved about them; anything that makes me feel closer to them.
I affirm that my grief matters, whether I am grieving a death or another loss or life change/ transition/interruption that has upended my world and altered by sense of self.
I reach out for help when needed: to professionals, support groups, beloveds I trust to let me be me, spiritual advisors, community grief tenders or others who can hold safe and compassionate space for me.
I celebrate and acknowledge the small steps and moments that prioritize my well-being, peace of mind and growing awareness of what I deserve as I grieve.
I embrace moments of ease, joy, wonder and pleasure, allowing them as part of the full-spectrum experience that is grief.
I seek, as much as possible, when doing so will not threaten or harm me, to create a holiday experience that honors this wound, this breaking, this seismic collapse with patience, love, reverence and gentleness.